Saturday, November 1, 2008

God Endorses Kay Hagan

Making his first political endorsement since the beginning of time, God endorsed Kay Hagan for the Senate in North Carolina.

God said he or she was supporting Hagan because of Elizabeth Dole's commercial implying Hagan was an atheist. "Kay Hagan believes in me", said God. "And I should know."

God went on to say how fed up he or she was with being mentioned constantly by political candidates. "Hey, whatever happened to the separation of church and state?", the deity added. "I've got an ego like anyone else in the public eye, but there's a time and place for mentioning my name. Like the church, synagogue, mosque or venue of your choice. But not the political arena."

God lashed out at Sarah Palin's comment about a $30 billion national gas pipeline in Alaska. Palin said "I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that."

"How does she know what I want?", God asked. "There are a lot more important things to pray for than a gas pipeline. You can start with praying that she doesn't become Vice-President."

God also took issue with Palin's statement that "our national leaders are sending [U.S. soldiers] out on a task that is from God."

"I didn't tell them to invade Iraq, George W. Bush did. I'm tired of all this senseless killing in my name. If I had intended man to kill in war, I wouldn't have put apples on the Tree of Life, I would have put grenades. And I would have changed the name of the tree."

God declined to offer an endorsement for President, but he or she added, "One of the candidates has the ability to bring great change to the world. But I'm not going to point to him and say, 'That one'. Because sometimes, people just have to figure these things out for themselves."

Friday, October 31, 2008

Shepard Smith Redeems Fox News
for Five Minutes

For liberals who want to wake up in the morning without caffeine, Fox News provides the adrenaline they need. Writing copy for Fox News during the election campaign means copying the Republican playbook and pasting it verbatim on the teleprompter. No baseless charge against Obama is too baseless for Fox. It is not even journalism of the lowest order. It is simply the lowest order, with no journalism involved.

That's why Shepard Smith's interview with Joe The Plumber was so transformational for Fox. Joe(not his real name) the Plumber(unlicensed) had a news conference Wednesday, the same day he announced he had a publicist, an agent and was looking to land a country music record deal and/or run for Congress. Just the kind of thing average working Joes do.

In his interview with Shepard Smith, Joe said that he agreed with a questioner at the news conference that "a vote for Obama means Death to Israel". I expected Smith, like all good Fox anchors, to egg Joe on even more, and to get him to say Obama was a terrorist who wanted to destroy Israel.

But then something wonderful happened. Smith began to challenge Joe on why he would say that. Joe answered, "Well, I'm not an expert on foreign policy so I'm asking your viewers to do the research to find out why I think that". Smith went on to say twice that Barack Obama has stated firmly many times that he is a strong supporter of Israel, and that the United States will always be a friend of Israel.

And after the interview ended, Smith repeated that statement, and then, seeming to refer to statements by Joe The Plumber and other uninformed purveyors of malicious misinformation about Obama, Shepard Smith, Fox News anchor said, "Man, things are getting scary".

If the Republicans lose Fox News, how can they expect to win this election?

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Like The Emperor, Sarah Palin Has No Clothes

Sarah Palin defended the $150,000 the RNC spent on her clothing by describing how inexpensive her jewelry was. It's a few days before the election, and she's talking accessories. She doesn't sound like a Vice Presidential candidate. She sounds like a host on QVC.

After saying that Obama is a socialist who would take away your property and money, as well as other certifiably insane comments, the only article of clothing she needed was a straightjacket.

Palin already had clothes. They should have spent the money on foreign policy tutors, domestic policy tutors, history tutors, geography tutors, math tutors and grammar tutors. And since teachers are notoriously underpaid, they could have gotten all that for closer to $23,000. Which is the amount Palin's traveling makeup artist got paid the first two weeks of October, making her the highest paid member of the McCain campaign during that period. And Palin's traveling hair stylist got $10,000. Of course she was called a "communications consultant". When the press asked Palin a question, she said "Talk to the hair".

John McCain said he's not George W. Bush. Now he says he's not John McCain.

McCain has reinvented himself into a worse candidate than he was in 2000, when he was a Republican you could at least respect while you disagreed with him. The 2000 McCain would have publicly mocked Joe The Plumber. Today he invited him to a rally, and when McCain introduced him, Joe The Plumber wasn't even there. When you get dissed by a famous yet functionally illiterate ignoramus, you know the campaign is not going well.

The Florida local anchorwoman who asked Joe Biden if Obama was a Marxist must have attended the Joseph McCarthy School of Journalism. She also asked Biden if our days as a superpower are over if Obama is elected. With questions like that, her days on local news should be over. Instead she'll probably get her own show on Fox News, co-anchoring with Joe The Plumber.