Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Presidential Election Awards

7:30 pm Eastern Time
Why do I have this pressing need to finish this week's blog before the Oscars start?
I haven't seen any of the Best Picture nominees, and the only nominees of any kind I've seen are Sicko, No End In Sight and Persepolis. Over 40 million other people like me(well not exactly like me)will be doing the same thing. On the other hand, the highest rated Democratic debate this year drew 8.3 million viewers.

Maybe if they gave out awards during debates, more people would watch.

Best Unoriginal Attack Line a Candidate Didn't Write:
Hillary Clinton for "Change You Can Xerox".

Worst Piece of Straight Talk About Iraq:
John McCain for "We'll stay there for 100 years"

Biggest Waste of Time Question:
How are your health care plans different?
They've already explained that in every debate, in 14 languages. Besides, each candidate's "plan" will change before it's presented to Congress, anyway.

Best Response To A Question About the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict:
No winner because there were no questions about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Worst Campaign By A Candidate:
And, it's a tie! Rudy Giuliani for pinning all his hopes on Florida and losing badly. And Fred Thompson, for running a campaign that looked like he was just biding his time until the writer's strike ended. Could you imagine a Thompson-Giuliani ticket? Even their overenthusiastic, much younger wives wouldn't vote for it.

Worst President Ever:

Only one nominee. And the winner is: George W. Bush for the last seven years.

If giving out awards doesn't increase debate ratings, maybe they could have a red carpet where Regis Philbin and Joan Rivers asked the candidates the really hard hitting questions. Like, "What are you wearing tonight?"

A question Bush would have trouble answering, because this Emperor has no clothes.