Saturday, November 1, 2008

God Endorses Kay Hagan

Making his first political endorsement since the beginning of time, God endorsed Kay Hagan for the Senate in North Carolina.

God said he or she was supporting Hagan because of Elizabeth Dole's commercial implying Hagan was an atheist. "Kay Hagan believes in me", said God. "And I should know."

God went on to say how fed up he or she was with being mentioned constantly by political candidates. "Hey, whatever happened to the separation of church and state?", the deity added. "I've got an ego like anyone else in the public eye, but there's a time and place for mentioning my name. Like the church, synagogue, mosque or venue of your choice. But not the political arena."

God lashed out at Sarah Palin's comment about a $30 billion national gas pipeline in Alaska. Palin said "I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that."

"How does she know what I want?", God asked. "There are a lot more important things to pray for than a gas pipeline. You can start with praying that she doesn't become Vice-President."

God also took issue with Palin's statement that "our national leaders are sending [U.S. soldiers] out on a task that is from God."

"I didn't tell them to invade Iraq, George W. Bush did. I'm tired of all this senseless killing in my name. If I had intended man to kill in war, I wouldn't have put apples on the Tree of Life, I would have put grenades. And I would have changed the name of the tree."

God declined to offer an endorsement for President, but he or she added, "One of the candidates has the ability to bring great change to the world. But I'm not going to point to him and say, 'That one'. Because sometimes, people just have to figure these things out for themselves."


Doug Robertson said...

Scott, Nice job - one of your best yet! History re-writes already have Iraq causing 9-11, Bush being enrolled in the armed forces and Newt Gingrich being the kind of positive force needed in Congress. Let's just hope we DON'T see a children's story coming out any time soon with grenades on "The Tree of Life" - stranger things have happened!

Scott Blakeman said...

Thanks very much for all of your encouraging comments this past year.Here's to a joyous Election Night!

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