The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric received only a minimal boost to its anemic ratings from a week of interviews with Sarah Palin. Which is a shame.
Those who weren't watching missed out on a sublime mix of surreal absurdity and outright stupidity. Sarah Palin's disjointed answers sounded like edited snippets even when there was no editing. In fact her performance was so over the top, that it actually was funnier than Tina Fey's SNL impersonation.
Those who compare Palin to Bush because of their willful ignorance miss the crucial difference between the two. Whereas Bush's plodding, monosyllabic incoherence is annoying and infuriating to watch, Palin is a delight. Bush's fake Texas drawl is irritating, but Palin's Alaska/Fargo accent always adds the right comedic touch to whatever incredibly offbase thing she says. Her goal seems to be to regurgitate whatever information her handlers had her memorize, whether or not it pertains to the question being asked.
Palin could be considered a comedy idiot savant. In addition to having no ideas, she has no idea she's funny. They say there's a fine line between comedy and tragedy. Hopefully, our country won't cross that line on Election Day.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Good News About Today's
Stock Market Crash
There's been plenty of doom and gloom because of how the stock market reacted to the defeat of the bailout bill. Its supporters call it a buyback, not a bailout. Those same people say we're not in a recession, we're in a reception.
But you don't have to be delusional to see the silver lining in today's seemingly bad economic news. First, if Wall Street stops becoming a place of unbridled excess, it could have a positive domino effect. Young brokers wouldn't be able to afford the seemingly endless supply of ridiculously overpriced condos in Manhattan, so those prices will come down.
In today's New York Times, David Carr writes about a guy who worked in mortgage sales, who told his story on "This American Life".
It's a good thing that they won't be the cool guys anymore. Maybe teachers will be.
Or community organizers. Now that would piss off the Republicans.
They could do a remake of the film "Wall Street", the 80's hit that depicted Michael Douglas talking into a "cellphone" that was the size of Rhode Island. Rhode Island probably got better reception. They could call it "Main Street", and instead of a stock broker, the star would be a sociology professor from Brooklyn College. In "Main Street", instead of everyone getting MBA's so they can make a fortune on Wall Street, college graduates aspire to teach at a city university. Instead of selling sub-prime mortgages to unsuspecting homeowners, the stars of "Main Street" fight unbridled development and push for affordable housing. And since greed has been replaced by serving people's needs, those teachers and community organizers will actually be able to find a home that they can afford.
As this day draws to a close, here's hoping that good things will indeed come out of this. At least, our cellphones are already a lot smaller than the one Michael Douglas had.
Tonight marks the beginning of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. Whether you observe the holiday or not, I wish you a happy, healthy and sweet New Year.
But you don't have to be delusional to see the silver lining in today's seemingly bad economic news. First, if Wall Street stops becoming a place of unbridled excess, it could have a positive domino effect. Young brokers wouldn't be able to afford the seemingly endless supply of ridiculously overpriced condos in Manhattan, so those prices will come down.
In today's New York Times, David Carr writes about a guy who worked in mortgage sales, who told his story on "This American Life".
We ordered three, four bottles of Cristal at $1,000 per bottle,” he said on the broadcast, recalling a night when he had a table at Marquee, a nightclub in Manhattan. “They bring it out, you know they’re walking through the crowd, they’re holding the bottles over their heads. There’re firecrackers, sparklers. You know, the little cocktail waitresses,” he said. “You know so you order three or four bottles of those and they’re walking through the crowd and everyone’s like: Whoa, who’re the cool guys? We were the cool guys.
It's a good thing that they won't be the cool guys anymore. Maybe teachers will be.
Or community organizers. Now that would piss off the Republicans.
They could do a remake of the film "Wall Street", the 80's hit that depicted Michael Douglas talking into a "cellphone" that was the size of Rhode Island. Rhode Island probably got better reception. They could call it "Main Street", and instead of a stock broker, the star would be a sociology professor from Brooklyn College. In "Main Street", instead of everyone getting MBA's so they can make a fortune on Wall Street, college graduates aspire to teach at a city university. Instead of selling sub-prime mortgages to unsuspecting homeowners, the stars of "Main Street" fight unbridled development and push for affordable housing. And since greed has been replaced by serving people's needs, those teachers and community organizers will actually be able to find a home that they can afford.
As this day draws to a close, here's hoping that good things will indeed come out of this. At least, our cellphones are already a lot smaller than the one Michael Douglas had.
Tonight marks the beginning of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. Whether you observe the holiday or not, I wish you a happy, healthy and sweet New Year.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
The End Of The DAY As We Know It
We live in challenging times. So I have decided to make things more challenging for myself by changing this blog from a weekly to a daily from now until November 5.
Don't Give Credit Where No Credit is Due
So let me get this straight. The $700 billion bailout is supposed to open up the credit market so banks and other financial institutions can borrow money more easily. Isn't that one of the things that caused this mess to begin with? And John McCain does deserve credit- for nearly sabotaging the negotiations when he came to Washington on Friday. But he certainly doesn't deserve credit for bringing about a solution. Apparently McCain was against direct negotiations with the Democrats, and preferred a military solution to the problem.
Socialized Medicine is Bad. Socialized Condos For Annoying Wall Street Guys is Good. It would cost $100 billion to provide universal health care for a year, to all those who don't have it. But that would be (gulp) SOCIALIZED MEDICINE! And Republicans would rather be dead than red. But somehow when the government gives $700 billion to Wall Street so those $2 million condos will keep getting sold, that's capitalism, not socialism.
Don't Let Sarah Palin Drop Out. Calling for Sarah Palin to drop out of the race is a callous insult to all hardworking comedians like myself. How would another running mate like Tim Pawlenty advance the cause of political comedy? I'd be open to Tina Fey filling in for Sarah at the debate, but Sarah's name must remain on the ballot. And it's not just comedians who want her to stay on the ticket. It's also those Americans who fear that ignorance,incompetence and the inability to speak the English language won't have a place in politics after Bush leaves office. McCain may say Country First but Palin is Comedy First.
Don't Give Credit Where No Credit is Due
So let me get this straight. The $700 billion bailout is supposed to open up the credit market so banks and other financial institutions can borrow money more easily. Isn't that one of the things that caused this mess to begin with? And John McCain does deserve credit- for nearly sabotaging the negotiations when he came to Washington on Friday. But he certainly doesn't deserve credit for bringing about a solution. Apparently McCain was against direct negotiations with the Democrats, and preferred a military solution to the problem.
Socialized Medicine is Bad. Socialized Condos For Annoying Wall Street Guys is Good. It would cost $100 billion to provide universal health care for a year, to all those who don't have it. But that would be (gulp) SOCIALIZED MEDICINE! And Republicans would rather be dead than red. But somehow when the government gives $700 billion to Wall Street so those $2 million condos will keep getting sold, that's capitalism, not socialism.
Don't Let Sarah Palin Drop Out. Calling for Sarah Palin to drop out of the race is a callous insult to all hardworking comedians like myself. How would another running mate like Tim Pawlenty advance the cause of political comedy? I'd be open to Tina Fey filling in for Sarah at the debate, but Sarah's name must remain on the ballot. And it's not just comedians who want her to stay on the ticket. It's also those Americans who fear that ignorance,incompetence and the inability to speak the English language won't have a place in politics after Bush leaves office. McCain may say Country First but Palin is Comedy First.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
McCain Wants To Postpone Debates Until After The Election
By ducking the debate tomorrow, John McCain is trying to get out of doing his homework. Not surprising from someone who ranked fifth from the bottom of his class at the Naval Academy.
And if McCain had his way, he would postpone the debates until after the election.
That way, he could hide from voters the fact that he supported the very deregulation that helped create this financial crisis. And that he lied about his campaign manager not being on the payroll of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. And that when McCain talks about "Country First", he's not referring to the United States. Picking Sara Palin as your running mate is pretty much "Country Fifth From The Bottom".
The "Straight Talk Express" has become "How Can He Say That With A Straight Face?" How can he not burst out laughing when he says Sara Palin is "absolutely" qualified to be Vice-President? And what does it say about his judgement when he picks a running mate who makes George W. Bush seem professorial? The only person who should be happy about Sara Palin is Tina Fey. In fact, I'm hoping Sara Palin really is Tina Fey. Palin isn't a candidate, she's a premise.
Palin thinks she knows Russia because she can see it from Alaska. McCain thinks he knows the economy because he can see the Federal Reserve Building from his house in Washington.
The only thing McCain and Palin really know is that if voters focus on the issues, they will lose by a landslide. So they're hoping they can put off the debates, and keep voters from knowing where they stand, until it's too late.
And if McCain had his way, he would postpone the debates until after the election.
That way, he could hide from voters the fact that he supported the very deregulation that helped create this financial crisis. And that he lied about his campaign manager not being on the payroll of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. And that when McCain talks about "Country First", he's not referring to the United States. Picking Sara Palin as your running mate is pretty much "Country Fifth From The Bottom".
The "Straight Talk Express" has become "How Can He Say That With A Straight Face?" How can he not burst out laughing when he says Sara Palin is "absolutely" qualified to be Vice-President? And what does it say about his judgement when he picks a running mate who makes George W. Bush seem professorial? The only person who should be happy about Sara Palin is Tina Fey. In fact, I'm hoping Sara Palin really is Tina Fey. Palin isn't a candidate, she's a premise.
Palin thinks she knows Russia because she can see it from Alaska. McCain thinks he knows the economy because he can see the Federal Reserve Building from his house in Washington.
The only thing McCain and Palin really know is that if voters focus on the issues, they will lose by a landslide. So they're hoping they can put off the debates, and keep voters from knowing where they stand, until it's too late.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The World Should Vote for U.S. President
Barack Obama gave an inspiring, uplifting speech today to 200,000 people in Berlin, Germany. Not to be outdone, John McCain woodenly told 200 people today in Berlin, Ohio, that they're the only Berliners whose vote counts. But why can't Germans and people from all over the world also vote for President of the United States?
Most Europeans and people from other countries are more knowledgeable about the U.S. than Americans are. They're more intellectual, aware, and more liberal- just the kind of people you want to vote for President of the United States.
In Berlin, Germany, the audience roared at Obama's line about bringing down walls between Arabs, Muslims, Jews and Christians. In Berlin, Ohio, some audience members said McCain was the only All-American candidate. So who sounds better qualified to vote for President?
I'm not asking to disenfranchise "hardworking white Americans"(I plagerized that term from Hillary). I'm just saying that in addition to the largely uninformed American electorate, let's open up our election process to Germans and Swedes, Palestinians and Israelis, Africans and Indians, and yes, Colombians and Salvadorans too.
But if the whole world got to vote, you might ask, wouldn't they tend to vote for liberal Democratic candidates? Exactly.
And when the whole world voted for President of the United States, if the Supreme Court tried to steal the election, there would be millions of Europeans and Asians and Africans protesting in the streets of their countries. Something that just doesn't happen here in America.
The biggest challenge for any U.S. President is to get along with the rest of the world. Getting the rest of the world to help choose our President will go a long way towards bringing all of us together in peace.
Most Europeans and people from other countries are more knowledgeable about the U.S. than Americans are. They're more intellectual, aware, and more liberal- just the kind of people you want to vote for President of the United States.
In Berlin, Germany, the audience roared at Obama's line about bringing down walls between Arabs, Muslims, Jews and Christians. In Berlin, Ohio, some audience members said McCain was the only All-American candidate. So who sounds better qualified to vote for President?
I'm not asking to disenfranchise "hardworking white Americans"(I plagerized that term from Hillary). I'm just saying that in addition to the largely uninformed American electorate, let's open up our election process to Germans and Swedes, Palestinians and Israelis, Africans and Indians, and yes, Colombians and Salvadorans too.
But if the whole world got to vote, you might ask, wouldn't they tend to vote for liberal Democratic candidates? Exactly.
And when the whole world voted for President of the United States, if the Supreme Court tried to steal the election, there would be millions of Europeans and Asians and Africans protesting in the streets of their countries. Something that just doesn't happen here in America.
The biggest challenge for any U.S. President is to get along with the rest of the world. Getting the rest of the world to help choose our President will go a long way towards bringing all of us together in peace.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Will the Government Rescue Bernie Mac?
Now that the government has unveiled plans to bail out mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, will they do the same for comedy giant Bernie Mac?
After he opened for Barack Obama at a $2300 a plate fundraiser, and performed his menstruation and prostitution bits, Bernie Mac could use an infusion of good judgement.
Whenever a comedian bombs with inappropriate material(like Whoopie Goldberg at an Al Gore fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall in 2000), it makes it unlikely that real political comedians like myself, will get the chance to perform in front of Obama.
At McCain fundraisers, McCain is the one doing the inappropriate material. “Maybe that’s a way of killing them,” McCain told reporters about the export of some $158 million in cigarettes to Iran in recent years. McCain then added, "I meant that as a joke", which the unquestioning, drooling news media actually believed, and probably laughed at too. Maybe that's why McCain's vicious, mean-spirited not even close to a joke, barely got a mention in the mainstream press.
And yet this week's New Yorker cover depicting Obama in Muslim garb and his wife Michelle dressed as a terrorist is getting lots of outraged comments. The cover was satirizing the ignorance of people(like certain Fox News anchors) who compare fist jabs to terrorist behavior, and spread unfounded rumors about Obama's past.
Apparently these days, political satire is more offensive than joking about "hos", and killing Iranians.
And with all of the offensive things going on around the world, the purchase of Budweiser by the Belgian company InBev is seen by some beer-guzzling Americans as the coming of the apocalypse. To them, Budweiser is not just a beverage with lots of carbs-it's patriotic! Maybe Obama and McCain should wear little Budweiser bottle flag pins too.
It reminds me of that old Miller beer slogan. "Miller. Made The American Way".
Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?
After he opened for Barack Obama at a $2300 a plate fundraiser, and performed his menstruation and prostitution bits, Bernie Mac could use an infusion of good judgement.
Whenever a comedian bombs with inappropriate material(like Whoopie Goldberg at an Al Gore fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall in 2000), it makes it unlikely that real political comedians like myself, will get the chance to perform in front of Obama.
At McCain fundraisers, McCain is the one doing the inappropriate material. “Maybe that’s a way of killing them,” McCain told reporters about the export of some $158 million in cigarettes to Iran in recent years. McCain then added, "I meant that as a joke", which the unquestioning, drooling news media actually believed, and probably laughed at too. Maybe that's why McCain's vicious, mean-spirited not even close to a joke, barely got a mention in the mainstream press.
And yet this week's New Yorker cover depicting Obama in Muslim garb and his wife Michelle dressed as a terrorist is getting lots of outraged comments. The cover was satirizing the ignorance of people(like certain Fox News anchors) who compare fist jabs to terrorist behavior, and spread unfounded rumors about Obama's past.
Apparently these days, political satire is more offensive than joking about "hos", and killing Iranians.
And with all of the offensive things going on around the world, the purchase of Budweiser by the Belgian company InBev is seen by some beer-guzzling Americans as the coming of the apocalypse. To them, Budweiser is not just a beverage with lots of carbs-it's patriotic! Maybe Obama and McCain should wear little Budweiser bottle flag pins too.
It reminds me of that old Miller beer slogan. "Miller. Made The American Way".
Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Will McCain Insist Obama Wears Declaration of Independence T-shirt?
You would have thought that once Barack Obama started wearing the US flag pin, all of those nasty rumors about his supposed lack of patriotism(whatever that means)would go away. But the idiotic rantings of ignorant people continue to circulate across the Internet. What else should he do to convince them?
Nothing. These are mean-spirited, moronic individuals who aren't going to vote for him, or any person of color, ever. So forget them. They're probably too stupid to know when Election Day is anyway.
How about paying more attention to nice, mildly neurotic, progressive people like me?I know that moving to the center is probably a winning strategy. And I desperately want Obama to win. But how about throwing a bone to us bleeding heart liberals, who live in very blue urban areas like Brooklyn? Can't you intersperse your "it's OK to spy on us to keep us safe" material with "George W. Bush lied to us, and went to war under totally false pretenses?" And when you say that protecting the mental health of a woman is not an excuse for a late term abortion, can't you follow that up with, "I'm definitely picking judges who will uphold Roe vs. Wade?"
We liberals know the drill. It's OK to sound progressive during the primaries, but once they're over, you have to start talking like a "real" American. In this campaign, the word "liberal" is used as an accusation, much like "child molester". Remember when the first Bush attacked Dukakis for being a "card-carrying member of the American Civil Liberties Union?" And Dukakis just hopped on his tank and ignored it. Why don't liberals take pride in being a liberal, and take pride in being a member of the ACLU? After all, the ACLU fights for the very freedoms granted to us in the Declaration of Independence. Which sounds pretty patriotic to me.
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