After a show in Sag Harbor a couple of years ago, an audience member asked my wife Ruth Katz if I "allowed her to be funny". I have told our friends many times how funny I think she is, but tonight I'd like to announce to the world, or at least the people reading this column, how funny I think she is. But don't take my word for it. Here are three short sketches Ruth wrote today. She told me my column yesterday inspired her to write this. Tonight, Ruth asked me where I thought her comedy sketches could appear. Ruthie, here's my answer. I'm glad I inspired you to write this. You inspire me every day.
(Scott in 1930's reporter/anchor voice):
"This just in. Vice President Palin, in one of her first acts in power, has taken over the Senate and forced the passage of a bill to eliminate, in certain cases, the letter G. The letter G is now outlawed when appearing after the letters - i - n - as in such words as:
The letter G continues to be allowed at the beginning of certain words such as gosh darn and God.
When asked by reporters if this new law was not an infringement on individual privacy and the right to free expression, Vice President Palin said that that would be up to the States to decide. When reporters pointed out that G-banishment had already become federal law, she responded -- How important it was, therefore, to not succumb to those who would socialize our health care system.
This broadcast was previously brought to you by the letter G. It is now brought to you by another sponsor, as the G spot has been dropped.
Vice President Palin, in another decree yesterday addressed climate change. She noted that since climate change is natural, cyclical and there's nothin' we can do about it, we must all exercise individual responsibility. Using President McCain's latest bout with melanoma as a precautionary tale, the Vice President has pushed Congress to outlaw sunnin' and now allow only palin'.
This broadcast is brought to you by Coppertone Fake Tannin' gel.
Vice President Palin, in her work with Congress to slash budgets, has urged no further financial aid to foreign countries. We would, however, continue to extract their resources, incluing oil, gold, diamonds, lumber, bananas and coffee, among other products.
When asked if such a policy would not harm our relations abroad and further threaten our own boarders with huge waves of desperate new immigrants, Vice President Palin declared "The time has come for change. When budgetary problems, insofar as they are related to international problems, rear their ugly head, we must do somethin' about 'em. It's time now: no more Putin; only Takin'."
This broadcast brought to you by Bush, Palin and Todd Petroleum Enterprises and Exxon Valdez Cruise Lines.... Cruisin' with us is a gas!