Making his first political endorsement since the beginning of time, God endorsed Kay Hagan for the Senate in North Carolina.
God said he or she was supporting Hagan because of Elizabeth Dole's commercial implying Hagan was an atheist. "Kay Hagan believes in me", said God. "And I should know."
God went on to say how fed up he or she was with being mentioned constantly by political candidates. "Hey, whatever happened to the separation of church and state?", the deity added. "I've got an ego like anyone else in the public eye, but there's a time and place for mentioning my name. Like the church, synagogue, mosque or venue of your choice. But not the political arena."
God lashed out at Sarah Palin's comment about a $30 billion national gas pipeline in Alaska. Palin said "I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that."
"How does she know what I want?", God asked. "There are a lot more important things to pray for than a gas pipeline. You can start with praying that she doesn't become Vice-President."
God also took issue with Palin's statement that "our national leaders are sending [U.S. soldiers] out on a task that is from God."
"I didn't tell them to invade Iraq, George W. Bush did. I'm tired of all this senseless killing in my name. If I had intended man to kill in war, I wouldn't have put apples on the Tree of Life, I would have put grenades. And I would have changed the name of the tree."
God declined to offer an endorsement for President, but he or she added, "One of the candidates has the ability to bring great change to the world. But I'm not going to point to him and say, 'That one'. Because sometimes, people just have to figure these things out for themselves."
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Shepard Smith Redeems Fox News
for Five Minutes
For liberals who want to wake up in the morning without caffeine, Fox News provides the adrenaline they need. Writing copy for Fox News during the election campaign means copying the Republican playbook and pasting it verbatim on the teleprompter. No baseless charge against Obama is too baseless for Fox. It is not even journalism of the lowest order. It is simply the lowest order, with no journalism involved.
That's why Shepard Smith's interview with Joe The Plumber was so transformational for Fox. Joe(not his real name) the Plumber(unlicensed) had a news conference Wednesday, the same day he announced he had a publicist, an agent and was looking to land a country music record deal and/or run for Congress. Just the kind of thing average working Joes do.
In his interview with Shepard Smith, Joe said that he agreed with a questioner at the news conference that "a vote for Obama means Death to Israel". I expected Smith, like all good Fox anchors, to egg Joe on even more, and to get him to say Obama was a terrorist who wanted to destroy Israel.
But then something wonderful happened. Smith began to challenge Joe on why he would say that. Joe answered, "Well, I'm not an expert on foreign policy so I'm asking your viewers to do the research to find out why I think that". Smith went on to say twice that Barack Obama has stated firmly many times that he is a strong supporter of Israel, and that the United States will always be a friend of Israel.
And after the interview ended, Smith repeated that statement, and then, seeming to refer to statements by Joe The Plumber and other uninformed purveyors of malicious misinformation about Obama, Shepard Smith, Fox News anchor said, "Man, things are getting scary".
If the Republicans lose Fox News, how can they expect to win this election?
That's why Shepard Smith's interview with Joe The Plumber was so transformational for Fox. Joe(not his real name) the Plumber(unlicensed) had a news conference Wednesday, the same day he announced he had a publicist, an agent and was looking to land a country music record deal and/or run for Congress. Just the kind of thing average working Joes do.
In his interview with Shepard Smith, Joe said that he agreed with a questioner at the news conference that "a vote for Obama means Death to Israel". I expected Smith, like all good Fox anchors, to egg Joe on even more, and to get him to say Obama was a terrorist who wanted to destroy Israel.
But then something wonderful happened. Smith began to challenge Joe on why he would say that. Joe answered, "Well, I'm not an expert on foreign policy so I'm asking your viewers to do the research to find out why I think that". Smith went on to say twice that Barack Obama has stated firmly many times that he is a strong supporter of Israel, and that the United States will always be a friend of Israel.
And after the interview ended, Smith repeated that statement, and then, seeming to refer to statements by Joe The Plumber and other uninformed purveyors of malicious misinformation about Obama, Shepard Smith, Fox News anchor said, "Man, things are getting scary".
If the Republicans lose Fox News, how can they expect to win this election?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Like The Emperor, Sarah Palin Has No Clothes
Sarah Palin defended the $150,000 the RNC spent on her clothing by describing how inexpensive her jewelry was. It's a few days before the election, and she's talking accessories. She doesn't sound like a Vice Presidential candidate. She sounds like a host on QVC.
After saying that Obama is a socialist who would take away your property and money, as well as other certifiably insane comments, the only article of clothing she needed was a straightjacket.
Palin already had clothes. They should have spent the money on foreign policy tutors, domestic policy tutors, history tutors, geography tutors, math tutors and grammar tutors. And since teachers are notoriously underpaid, they could have gotten all that for closer to $23,000. Which is the amount Palin's traveling makeup artist got paid the first two weeks of October, making her the highest paid member of the McCain campaign during that period. And Palin's traveling hair stylist got $10,000. Of course she was called a "communications consultant". When the press asked Palin a question, she said "Talk to the hair".
John McCain said he's not George W. Bush. Now he says he's not John McCain.
McCain has reinvented himself into a worse candidate than he was in 2000, when he was a Republican you could at least respect while you disagreed with him. The 2000 McCain would have publicly mocked Joe The Plumber. Today he invited him to a rally, and when McCain introduced him, Joe The Plumber wasn't even there. When you get dissed by a famous yet functionally illiterate ignoramus, you know the campaign is not going well.
The Florida local anchorwoman who asked Joe Biden if Obama was a Marxist must have attended the Joseph McCarthy School of Journalism. She also asked Biden if our days as a superpower are over if Obama is elected. With questions like that, her days on local news should be over. Instead she'll probably get her own show on Fox News, co-anchoring with Joe The Plumber.
After saying that Obama is a socialist who would take away your property and money, as well as other certifiably insane comments, the only article of clothing she needed was a straightjacket.
Palin already had clothes. They should have spent the money on foreign policy tutors, domestic policy tutors, history tutors, geography tutors, math tutors and grammar tutors. And since teachers are notoriously underpaid, they could have gotten all that for closer to $23,000. Which is the amount Palin's traveling makeup artist got paid the first two weeks of October, making her the highest paid member of the McCain campaign during that period. And Palin's traveling hair stylist got $10,000. Of course she was called a "communications consultant". When the press asked Palin a question, she said "Talk to the hair".
John McCain said he's not George W. Bush. Now he says he's not John McCain.
McCain has reinvented himself into a worse candidate than he was in 2000, when he was a Republican you could at least respect while you disagreed with him. The 2000 McCain would have publicly mocked Joe The Plumber. Today he invited him to a rally, and when McCain introduced him, Joe The Plumber wasn't even there. When you get dissed by a famous yet functionally illiterate ignoramus, you know the campaign is not going well.
The Florida local anchorwoman who asked Joe Biden if Obama was a Marxist must have attended the Joseph McCarthy School of Journalism. She also asked Biden if our days as a superpower are over if Obama is elected. With questions like that, her days on local news should be over. Instead she'll probably get her own show on Fox News, co-anchoring with Joe The Plumber.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Will Elisabeth Hasselbeck Endorsement Be Game Changer for McCain-Palin?
When Elisabeth Hasselbeck introduced Sarah Palin at rallies in Florida today, the two looked like they were auditioning for a right wing version of "The View" for Fox News.
The coveted Hasselbeck endorsement, along with Patricia Heaton and Kelsey Grammer, means McCain-Palin has received the support of all three conservative entertainment personalities.
Yet John McCain's poll numbers continue to fall so much that he now opens his speeches with "My friend".
I just performed at a fundraiser for a new film called "Maximum Fun". Sounds like the story of John McCain's years at the Naval Academy. What's more fun than finishing fifth from the bottom of your class?
John McCain continues to be obsessed with Joe The Plumber. I expect Sarah Palin to give a speech on abstinence and talk about Linda The Tramp.
Palin seems to suggest that real Americans drop their g's. That has alienated voters in New England, who believe that real Americans drop their r's.
I think the only reason there are still undecided voters is that they hope to be featured in an undecided voters segment on CNN.
Here in New York City, an undecided voter is someone who's not sure if they're going to vote for Obama at the polls, or by absentee ballot.
That doesn't mean Democrats in New York don't ever do things the way Republicans do. They just do it on a different scale.
For example, John McCain has nine luxury homes. Charlie Rangel has four rent-controlled studios.
The coveted Hasselbeck endorsement, along with Patricia Heaton and Kelsey Grammer, means McCain-Palin has received the support of all three conservative entertainment personalities.
Yet John McCain's poll numbers continue to fall so much that he now opens his speeches with "My friend".
I just performed at a fundraiser for a new film called "Maximum Fun". Sounds like the story of John McCain's years at the Naval Academy. What's more fun than finishing fifth from the bottom of your class?
John McCain continues to be obsessed with Joe The Plumber. I expect Sarah Palin to give a speech on abstinence and talk about Linda The Tramp.
Palin seems to suggest that real Americans drop their g's. That has alienated voters in New England, who believe that real Americans drop their r's.
I think the only reason there are still undecided voters is that they hope to be featured in an undecided voters segment on CNN.
Here in New York City, an undecided voter is someone who's not sure if they're going to vote for Obama at the polls, or by absentee ballot.
That doesn't mean Democrats in New York don't ever do things the way Republicans do. They just do it on a different scale.
For example, John McCain has nine luxury homes. Charlie Rangel has four rent-controlled studios.
Monday, October 20, 2008
"Live From New York, It's Someone Who Shouldn't Be Vice President!"
What exactly was the point of Sarah Palin appearing on SNL?
The reason for a politician to appear on a television show, is to give us a side of them we haven't seen. Palin set out to show that she can be light and fluffy, when the whole country already knows that's all she is. If Palin wanted to show us a side of her that's actually intelligent and thoughtful, she would have done an hour with Charlie Rose(which comes out to 30 minutes after Charlie is done talking).
Even the worst, scariest politicians have the ability to talk to the media, and somehow find the words to hide how horrible they are. But how horrifically wrong for higher office do you have to be to avoid talking to the press altogether?
If we were voting for a new cast member for "Up with People", or a local weatherperson in Anchorage, Palin's stint on SNL would have put her in a good light. But she is a candidate for Vice President, and the only thing being on SNL did was to shroud the McCain-Palin campaign in even more darkness.
For every Saturday Night Live appearance, a candidate should be required to do Meet The Press, Face The Nation and This Week. For every Larry King spot, a candidate should be forced to do three news conferences.
It's disturbing to think that some voters will actually think better of Palin because she can take a joke, even though she can't take an intelligent stand on serious issues.
But being able to take a joke is meaningless, if your candidacy is already a joke.
The reason for a politician to appear on a television show, is to give us a side of them we haven't seen. Palin set out to show that she can be light and fluffy, when the whole country already knows that's all she is. If Palin wanted to show us a side of her that's actually intelligent and thoughtful, she would have done an hour with Charlie Rose(which comes out to 30 minutes after Charlie is done talking).
Even the worst, scariest politicians have the ability to talk to the media, and somehow find the words to hide how horrible they are. But how horrifically wrong for higher office do you have to be to avoid talking to the press altogether?
If we were voting for a new cast member for "Up with People", or a local weatherperson in Anchorage, Palin's stint on SNL would have put her in a good light. But she is a candidate for Vice President, and the only thing being on SNL did was to shroud the McCain-Palin campaign in even more darkness.
For every Saturday Night Live appearance, a candidate should be required to do Meet The Press, Face The Nation and This Week. For every Larry King spot, a candidate should be forced to do three news conferences.
It's disturbing to think that some voters will actually think better of Palin because she can take a joke, even though she can't take an intelligent stand on serious issues.
But being able to take a joke is meaningless, if your candidacy is already a joke.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
McCain's Economic Speech Uses The Word "Fight" 700 Billion Times
As he sinks further in the polls, John McCain's campaign combines desperation with a sixth grade level appeal to voters. Sarah Palin's speeches hover around the fourth grade.
John McCain is acting like an elementary school kid who repeats the same words over and over. McCain has uttered the word "Fight!" so many times that he acts like he's leading the cavalry, instead of running for President.
You almost expect him to come up with campaign proposals like a candidate for sixth grade President.
"My friends. I will fight for your right to have soda in the water fountains. And free gum every Wednesday. And every Friday, you can stay up as long as you like! For parents, I will fight for your right to carry aboard a plane a 4 oz. container of moisturizer instead of the measly 3 oz you can carry on now. And never again, my friends, will you have to pay for that second lemonade in a restaurant. No, my friends, a McCain administration will fight for your right to free refills."
McCain even sounded like the sixth grade bully when he vowed Monday to "whip Obama's you-know-what" in Wednesday's debate. For a guy who says he "knows how to win", McCain's low brow campaign shows that what he really knows, is how to lose.
John McCain is acting like an elementary school kid who repeats the same words over and over. McCain has uttered the word "Fight!" so many times that he acts like he's leading the cavalry, instead of running for President.
You almost expect him to come up with campaign proposals like a candidate for sixth grade President.
"My friends. I will fight for your right to have soda in the water fountains. And free gum every Wednesday. And every Friday, you can stay up as long as you like! For parents, I will fight for your right to carry aboard a plane a 4 oz. container of moisturizer instead of the measly 3 oz you can carry on now. And never again, my friends, will you have to pay for that second lemonade in a restaurant. No, my friends, a McCain administration will fight for your right to free refills."
McCain even sounded like the sixth grade bully when he vowed Monday to "whip Obama's you-know-what" in Wednesday's debate. For a guy who says he "knows how to win", McCain's low brow campaign shows that what he really knows, is how to lose.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
A New Way To Count Votes
The woman who told McCain at a town hall meeting this week, that she can't trust Obama because he's an Arab, made me question the concept of "one man, one vote".
If every vote must count, why not make the vote of a willfully ignorant, racist person count less?
This is not a partisan or ideological idea. It is one that rewards Americans who aren't racist and prejudiced against certain religions.
The right to vote brings with it a responsibility to be as well-informed as possible. For the Academy Awards, you can only vote for a film you have seen.
So in a Presidential election, the vote of a reasonably well-informed American who believes in the principle that all men are created equal, should count twice as much as an ignorant racist. This would help convince Republicans to stop using code words to appeal to racist voters in the South and elsewhere. If racists only get half a vote, no party in its right-wing mind would bother pandering to them.
My plan will not penalize anyone for their political views, no matter how extreme or repugnant. And no one should be completely disenfranchised. But if you think Obama is Arab, or that Iraq was responsible for 9/11, you are certifiably insane, which should simply make your vote count for less.
How do we handle the logistics of enforcing this?
We can start by picking them out of the audience at McCain town hall events.
If every vote must count, why not make the vote of a willfully ignorant, racist person count less?
This is not a partisan or ideological idea. It is one that rewards Americans who aren't racist and prejudiced against certain religions.
The right to vote brings with it a responsibility to be as well-informed as possible. For the Academy Awards, you can only vote for a film you have seen.
So in a Presidential election, the vote of a reasonably well-informed American who believes in the principle that all men are created equal, should count twice as much as an ignorant racist. This would help convince Republicans to stop using code words to appeal to racist voters in the South and elsewhere. If racists only get half a vote, no party in its right-wing mind would bother pandering to them.
My plan will not penalize anyone for their political views, no matter how extreme or repugnant. And no one should be completely disenfranchised. But if you think Obama is Arab, or that Iraq was responsible for 9/11, you are certifiably insane, which should simply make your vote count for less.
How do we handle the logistics of enforcing this?
We can start by picking them out of the audience at McCain town hall events.
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